Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

I understand that the following is in the afterword of Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal (and not included in the audio version I listened to):

If you have come to these pages for laughter, may you find it.
If you are here to be offended, may your ire rise and your blood boil.
If you seek an adventure, may this song sing you away to blissful escape.
If you need to test or confirm your beliefs, may you reach comfortable conclusions.
All books reveal perfection, by what they are or what they are not.
May you find that which you seek, in these pages or outside them.
May you find perfection, and know it by name.

That begs the question of intent so I'll explain that, having realised that I had never read any Christopher Moore despite his popularity, and seeing that Lamb appears to be his most enjoyed book, I downloaded it for a few laughs (and it was only a weird coincidence that I listened to it over the week of Easter). In the end, it didn't offend me, but it didn't really entertain me either.

The premise was promising: After being dead for two thousand years, Jesus' childhood friend Biff (born "Levi" but nicknamed for the cuffs upside his head his mama gives him) is resurrected by the angel Raziel in order to write a new gospel that would fill in the years missing from the New Testament. The beginning really worked for me -- Biff is a total doofus (hence all the cuffing from his mama) but even at six years old, Jesus (known as Joshua in the book -- the Anglicization of Yeshua) is a nearly normal kid -- playing games and interacting with his family -- but is always shown as moral and filled with grace; certainly always aware of his higher purpose (and able to resurrect dead lizards in a morbid but funny game). Anything that is known from the Bible of Joshua's early years is included, and although Biff is always on the periphery for yuks, nothing about Josh is ever mocked. Interspersed with the gospel are scenes of Biff in his modern hotel room, where he is guarded by Raziel (a heavenly being that is apparently equal parts gorgeous and stupid), and these scenes worked less well for me. Early on:

The angel has confided in me that he is going to ask the Lord if he can become Spider-Man. He watches the television constantly, even when I sleep, and he has become obsessed with the story of the hero who fights demons from the rooftops. The angel says that evil looms larger now than it did in my time, and that calls for greater heroes. The children need heroes, he says. I think he just wants to swing from buildings in tight red jammies.

So, that's the funny stuff, which sometimes descends into fratboy humour: There's one scene (can't quote it because I can't find it online) where Biff is talking to Bartholomew, the village idiot, who explains that he follows the Cynical philosophy of Diogenes -- trying to live a simple life free of possessions. "Oh, like the dogs?" asks Biff, pointing to the pack of canines that follows Bartholomew around. "Yes," he replies. "I'm even trying to learn how to lick my own balls." (When Josh hears about this conversation later, his only concern is that it might not be kosher.) Ha ha? That kind of joke happens a lot, and it may be hi-LAR-ious to some, but it was pretty ho hum to me.

In the middle section of Lamb, the years missing from the New Testament, Biff and Josh go in search of the three wise men who had followed the star to Bethlehem once upon a time -- and this was a total waste of an opportunity: anything could have been written about those years but what's in the book was dull and repetitive. The friends are trained in Taoism, Buddhism, and Hinduism -- learning useful tips like "love your neighbour as yourself" and how to multiply loaves and fishes -- but also, bizarrely, getting to know the Abominable Snowman, the ancient demon "Catch", the cult of Kālī, concubines and harlots. There was so much sex, so many Kama Sutra jokes, that it became pretty dull. But once again, I did appreciate that, while Biff was a horndog, Josh remained as pure as the angel Raziel had instructed him to be. 

They return to Nazareth after twenty years and act out the known Bible stories, right up to the Crucifixion. And again, although Biff continues to sharpen the sarcasm skills that he claims to have invented, the Josh portrayed is a believable Son of God, performing miracles and behaving honourably. But then the ending displays a real lack of courage: **SPOILER** Biff doesn't want his friend to suffer on the cross, so he sneaks Josh a poison that will mimic death -- hoping to revive him from his tomb once the coast is clear. This poison was shown previously to work within seconds, but Josh continues to suffer and his death is not quick. Suddenly, Biff spots Judas and realises he must have been the betrayer and he follows him and kills him, falling to his own death in the process. So if Moore is trying to plant the seed that Jesus was never really dead before he was entombed, I wish he had just committed to that. This "who knows what happened?", even having the narrator die before the big finish, felt cowardly after making it plain that we are to believe in Jesus' divinity all along. 

There were some laughs (I especially enjoyed Josh's face miraculously appearing on the matzos at Passover) and there was a surprising wealth of information about the religious practises of the region, and I really did appreciate that Josh wasn't mocked or have his divinity downplayed -- I honestly think it would be hard for someone to call this blasphemy -- but too many parts were boring or the wrong kind of funny to make me laugh. Meh.

Bartholomew  trying to learn to lick his own balls is a racier quote than I would usually use on goodreads, but I included it in order to give an honest flavour of what this book is like. The following wasn't appropriate for there, barely appropriate for here if it's ever read by anyone who knows me (ha ha), but it's a joke that struck me right:

When they were teenagers, Biff was talking to Josh about how he had accompanied a shepherd to watch over a flock, it being the custom to always send two shepherds in order to "prevent an abomination". Biff watched all night for abominations as the other shepherd spent the night "playing with his favourite sheep" behind a rock. Josh explained to him that that was the abomination. This was smile-worthy, but much later, the two are introduced to the Yeti and have this conversation:

Josh: "What is this thing?"
Gasper: "It's a Yeti. An abominable snowman."
Biff: "This is what happens when you fuck a sheep?"
Josh: "Not an abomination, abominable.” 

I'm sure that it wouldn't have been as funny without the earlier shepherding conversation, but as it is, it was a masterful play of the callback. (And a Yeti kind of does look like a man/sheep hybrid, no?)