I find it hard to decide what to write about my daughter's wedding: this was such a happy event for our family, but how much of this is my story to tell and how much would be an invasion of the newly married's privacy? Kennedy hasn't posted any photos online yet (I guess she's waiting for the professional pictures to get edited?), so I'm hesitant to even show her face here (as if I haven't elsewhere over the years). Ultimately, I can't possibly let this pass without comment, so here's my story of the happy day...
Two years ago, Kennedy and Zach became engaged at Sauble Beach; Dave and I were thrilled to have been up there with them for that joyous day and it was meaningful for all of us that Zach decided to "pop the question" at everybody's happy place. They immediately started making plans and reserving vendors and the perfect venue was chosen, with a wedding date set for October 1, 2021. Of course, like all engaged couples over the past year and a half of COVID-related shutdowns, Kennedy and Zach watched as wave after wave of lockdown delayed or cancelled other's wedding plans; and although they are both more concerned about community health than their own personal desires, it must have been hard for them to know what to hope for as 2021 dawned. In March of this year they were contacted by the venue and given a one time chance to make a change: They could commit to paying for 160 people for a wedding on October 1st, no matter how many were actually in attendance (with no way of knowing what the actual provincial-mandated limits would be at that time) or they could let another couple have their date and push their wedding back two more years. They made the hard decision to push it back two years (which seems to have been the right decision as current mandates only allow for fifty guests at an indoor event), but they also had alternate plans: a "minimony" at Sauble Beach.
As I wrote last year, we were fortunate enough to have bought the property at Sauble Beach that had once been in Dave's family, and with both her Granny and Grandpa not doing so well, Kennedy asked if we could host a small wedding for immediate family at Sauble in September (with the bigger event still scheduled for 2023) to make sure that her grandparents would be able to attend. Of course we agreed - delighted by the prospect, in fact - and new plans were begun for catering, tent rental, etc. Unfortunately, as I have had the sad duty to report, first Kennedy's Granny and then her Grandpa passed away this year, and although my mother did make the effort to fly up from Nova Scotia to attend, my father did not (and with not even a phone call to explain or apologise - he mentioned to Ken that he wouldn't be coming and that was the only word I received on the matter - this is definitely a step too far even for this cold and selfish man; it is unforgivable to me that his absence made Kennedy cry, so soon after the loss of the grandparents who were always present and loving. Her Grandpa begged his doctors to help him live long enough to see his granddaughter get married; her Pop just didn't show up.) But still, the show went on.
Who knows what details to include? Dave and I went up two weeks early to paint all the rooms on the main level, generally spruce everything up, and fill the gardens with fresh mums. My mother arrived the week beforehand and was eager to see the place we bought and participate in the excitement, but was mostly underfoot. My brothers rented a cottage for the week for their families across the street but only Ken could come up more than a couple of days early; Zach's family rented a cottage a block away for the Thursday to Sunday, and their wedding party had all arrived by Friday. We watched the big tent go up (gratefully as it was supposed to rain for most of the day of the wedding), the deluxe toilet trailer (with his and hers sides, flush toilets, running taps, and lights, so much more impressive than a regular portapotty) was delivered to the rear driveway, we painted the arch that the kids were repurposing from their new house, Kennedy and Ella started making bouquets, and everyone started helping with the fine details. We had a lovely dinner at Heydays on the Friday night (they don't take reservations but Dave talked the manager into making an exception for the twelve in our wedding party), followed by a fire back at our place that saw me and Dave stay up way too late with Zach's parents. Saturday morning Kennedy had arranged for her wedding party (plus me and my Mum) to have our nails done, and when we returned, Dave had made a big breakfast for "the ladies" (including Zach's Mom and sister and Kennedy's friends). With the day breaking clear and warm with a cloudless cobalt sky, we set up the thirty-some chairs for the ceremony, set the tables with cutlery and placecards, Kennedy finished the flowers on the arch and the centerpieces, and then everyone scattered to start getting ready.
I have to pause to talk about my own outfit. When the latest lockdown was lifted last spring, Kennedy immediately made an appointment for us to find something for me to wear at David's Bridal. Everything the consultant brought for me seemed way too formal for an intimate backyard-at-the-beach wedding (although any of them would have been fine for the "big wedding" in 2023), and we would have left the store empty-handed if we hadn't noticed a clearance rack that had a Vera Wang dress, in Kennedy's size, for a hundred dollars. When she tried it on, at my urging, I suggested that she could keep her expensive, more formal gown for the big event and not care if this one was dragged through the grass and sand (and as it turned out, through the water at sunset as well). That felt like such a lucky find, but still, it took me months to find just the right thing for myself - but when I did, I knew it was the right thing: a jumpsuit, blue and sleeveless on the top, with wide, chiffon, floral palazzo pants on the bottom. I felt like me in this outfit - whereas so many of the mother-of-the-bride dresses I tried felt like I was playing dressup in my mother's closet - and I couldn't have been more pleased and comfortable all day. On the other hand, I do regret not getting my hair done professionally; I haven't even had my hair cut in two years because I let Mallory get in my head when she told me I shouldn't get highlights again to hide my grey; that letting it go natural is a more powerful statement than trying to look younger than I am when I'm ten years older than the mother of the groom...yeah, she got in my head and I could have looked more polished, but I did look like myself, so there's that...
Anyway. Kennedy was absolutely right for us to have rehearsed several times the night before and the processional up the aisle was seamless; I was delighted that she wanted both me and her Dad to walk her to the front. The officiant they chose (recommended by their venue) was (as everyone keeps mentioning) the most handsome man anyone had ever seen in real life (like a taller, better looking Ryan Reynolds). He had had a few video calls with Zach and Kennedy over the months, and based on those and some questionnaires they filled out, his service was like a stand-up comedy act of the funniest moments from their nine years together. But after all the laughs - which even had Kennedy and Zach gasping for breath; they had no idea what this Jeff was actually going to do with all the info - the officiant brought it all back to a sincere message of, "And when times get tough during your marriage, and they will get tough, I want you to remember these moments and the joy you've brought to each other and the love that brought you here today." Zach and then Kennedy read the vows that they wrote - each of whom made me laugh and cry - they said their I Dos, signed the documents, kissed and were married!
The ceremony was followed by photos on the beach and with the ATV (as above) as the caterers passed hot hors d'oeuvres. There was dinner (with a self-serve slider bar), followed by a few speeches and formal dances. Kennedy and Zach left for sunset photos with their photographer while the rest of us started dancing; Dave put on a spectacular fireworks display on the beach, and I may not have stopped dancing until one in the morning, wondering at that point where everyone had gone.
There was plenty of cleanup the next morning but nary a complaint about it; a little work nothing compared to the big fun that was had. Zach asked me later what my favourite bits were and all I could do was list everything: the job Kennedy had done with the flowers was absolutely stunning, and the details she added with gold spray-painted dinosaurs (for her) and D&D dice (for him) were like lovely Easter eggs; the tent with the strings of low-watt Edison bulbs, candles and mirrors on the tables, made for a magical setting; I loved the music they chose and the vows they wrote (I told Zach he made me cry and he said, "I know. I saw."); I loved the officiant and his style; the photographer was everywhere, captured everything, but was never in the way; the food was delicious and the caterers were efficient and respectful in our kitchen; I loved the black and white dinosaur tableclothes that Kennedy and I sewed up, the dinosaur coluring sheets and crayons at every seat, and the lawn games that Zach's parents brought up (and that were a huge hit all evening long); I loved that Kennedy made jars of her Grandpa's secret relish recipe as party favours; that she bottled wine and personalised them with her "wedding logo"; that she provided blankets by the fire for the cooling evening; I told Zach that I loved the red plaid jacket he wore (why shouldn't he also stand out on his wedding day?) and that I was still delighted by Kennedy's discount dress; I loved that Kennedy had a custom wedding band made out of her Granny's wedding set, with other added family diamonds, and that she wore her Nan's pearls; I loved that Kennedy put a gold calligraphied "Bride" on the back of the white helmet I bought for the ATV pics (because for some reason the idea of these pictures delighted me and I liked that they played along); I loved that my outfit and Zach's Mom's accidentally coordinated and that, although the bridesmaids were told to just buy something "green and not too formal", they coordinated beautifully, as well. I loved that the wedding took place at Sauble Beach and that Kennedy's recently passed grandparents were mentioned and referred to throughout the day. I loved that their presence was both felt and acknowledged.
There's a famous story in the family that when my inlaws got married, the day was wild with wind and rain. Even so, Bev insisted that on the way to their Niagara Falls honeymoon, she wanted to stop at her father's grave to place her bouquet on it. As they drove to Dorchester, Jim stopped at a gas station to buy his new wife a plastic rain bonnet to protect her hair at the cemetery, but as she opened the car door graveside, the rain suddenly stopped. Bev placed her bouquet, paid her respects, and when she got back into the car, the rain started up once more. Bev always believed that her father was watching over her that day. Can we thank Kennedy's grandparents for the gorgeous weather on her wedding day, despite dire forecasts all week? I don't know about that but I do know this: Their unquestioned love and unflagging support were meaningful enough to Kennedy that she and Zach added hours to their drive home from the wedding to swing by Dorchester and leave her bouquet on her grandparents' grave.
And I love that.
