I usually think of these "Between the Stacks" posts as hilarious "overheard in a bookstore" stories, but this exchange from yesterday was just disturbing and weird. I haven't worked in sales for months now - and that probably explains why I haven't had any of these stories for a while - but I was doing training yesterday for a mobile payment device, and out on the floor I went. One of the customers I offered my assistance to was a grey-haired man with a Slavic accent, and he was looking for a Spanish dictionary. I brought him over to the right area, pointed out the options, and I can't even remember how he started on his diatribe (I think it was related to his disbelief that the three car magazines in his hand were going to cost him $50), but he eventually had me cornered for about fifteen minutes, during which time he explained to me:
• He had left Czechoslovakia 33 years ago, and life in the Communist system wasn't so bad. They gave you an apartment that you could afford, gave you a job that you could work at, and everyone had enough of everything, weren't trained to want more than they could afford, and men could go to work and women could stay home and raise the kids like it's meant to be. Here in Canada, everyone wants more and more than they can afford, and we're all trained to go to work and pay our taxes, spend our money and get in debt. Even the Czechoslovakian government under the Communists had no debt - in fact, the Soviets owed them money - but after the fall of Communism in 1989, the Americans forced the Czech government to buy their weapons and now they're in debt for hundreds of billions of dollars, and that's Capitalism for you. Then he asked if I've ever seen Dumb & Dumber and I said yes, when it first came out, and he said, "Well, not our Jim Carrey, but the blonde-haired guy, he was in this show Newsroom and there's this clip that very clearly explains why we're not exceptional anymore and how there's a New World Order in charge of the governments and global finance..." I interrupted to say that I had seen that clip when it was going around facebook and I don't know if that's exactly what it...And he interrupted me to explain that these people are in charge of everything nonetheless, and no one knows their end game, and who knows if they're even human? Maybe they're aliens? And because he said this with a smile, I thought he was making a joke to lighten up and end the exchange, but then he said, "You only need to read Erich von Däniken," and I had to laugh and say, "Yeah, I've read him; Chariots of the Gods and all that." Then he went on to his next point:
• He asked if I had ever read the writings of (some sixteenth century explorer I couldn't catch the name of) and I said no, and he explained that this man (Italian born? Explored for the throne of Spain or Portugal?; it was all a fast and accented blur and he named all of these countries as he talked) went to India and discovered that they are the laziest, cheatingest people on earth; that if you go to buy a fish from an Indian man, you are likely to find it was stuffed with rocks to cheat the weight. "And now they're here, and they own every convenience store and gas station. And how did that happen? Where did they get the money? Who gave it to them? You just know that if society collapses, it's no coincidence that they will be in charge of what everyone actually needs; that they'll be able to control who gets what." And I'm sure that my face was aghast at this point, because he rushed on with:
• "You know, I wasn't racist when I lived in Czechoslovakia - probably because everyone was white anyway; except for the Gypsies, but they were dirty, and didn't work, and had the babies just for the money - but I don't mind telling you that I'm racist now. Have you seen that beheading video from Indonesia?" I said I hadn't, my eyes darting around, looking for a way to extricate myself. "Well, do yourself a favour and don't go looking for it. I watched it and I couldn't sleep that night. There is this group of young Muslim guys and they find a group of young Christian girls. They're the same country, same race, but because they have different religion, the guys cut the girls' heads right off on video. If that can happen there, that can happen here. And they are here. And here's the thing: World War III is coming, and there's no guarantee that the white people will win this time. This time it's going to be - what do you call it? - Planet of the Apes. Upside-down with the Muslims in charge." Now I know that he could see the shock and disapproval in my face, so he went onto a less contentious tangent:
• Next he asked if I had ever seen the movie Demolition Man and I said no, and he proceeded to explain the entire plot to me, ending by concluding that this future-world it portrays is the worst kind of dystopia - with the government watching and controlling the smallest of everyone's behaviours - and that he believes that we are on track to that world right now. (When I told this story to Mallory, she laughed and said that the movie takes place in a future where there is zero crime; she welcomes this level of control.) And then to round everything up together:
• He explained that he has a friend who is currently living in Indonesia with a hot young girlfriend, and he thinks that that's the way to go. "In Indonesia, people live on five or six hundred dollars a year. I am sixty-four and thinking about breaking up with my wife, so if I could move there with my half, with two hundred thousand Canadian dollars, just think how I could live there. Escape the Capitalism. Live somewhere that no one would hit with a nuclear bomb. That's freedom." (Of course, all I could think of was: what about your fear of Muslims - Indonesia is the most populous Muslim nation on earth - and that disturbing beheading video? How could you handle being the untrusted minority? I suppose the prospect of a hot young girlfriend eases a lot of worries.)
Now, this entire time, I felt cowardly for not speaking back against paranoia and racism, but I could tell from all of the book and movie and internet references that this man has a serious swirl of disinformation clouding his brain, and doubted that anything I said would influence him. I tried to end it lightly by saying, "Well, I guess I'm more optimistic than you are. I have more faith in the decency of people than that." To which he said, "All that tells me is that your husband makes enough money to keep you happy so you don't have to worry about any of this." Tight smile from me. Then some more nonsense from him about how men used to be able to work on their own cars and women used to be the physicians of the household - actually caring for their children and providing proper nutrition - and food manufacturers are making everyone fat by replacing real food with fake food ("There's a company in Italy that makes a replacement for yogurt out of starch and sugar; you should never buy yogurt if the label doesn't say 'yogurt'") and why can't you get the brands you want from the supermarket anymore? "If I don't see what I want, I walk out. But my wife, she can't get this she'll take that instead, and I say, 'But I don't want that.'" Fifteen minutes of all of this and I finally found a break in the monologue and said, "Well, it sure has been interesting talking to you. I should go and see if there's anyone in need of help." And he laughed slightly incredulously and replied, "If anyone needed you, they'd come find you." Okie dokie, artichokie.
Yes, even in retrospect, it was cowardly for me not to have spoken back to this nonsense or at least walked off earlier, but that's the devil of customer service: he could tell I wasn't agreeing with him - or even liking what he was saying - but he knew that I had some obligation to listen politely. Cowardly. How strange to have a customer who can drop both Erich von Däniken and Planet of the Apes in a single conversation; if that's the universe talking to me, what was it trying to say? And why did he want to look at Spanish dictionaries, yet decided not to buy one? It's never dull, between the stacks.