Tunesday : All That You Are

All That You Are

(Hurst, T/ Binns, D/ Morfitt, R/ Sigmund, D/ Wagner, R) Performed by Econoline Crush

If I said it, I meant it
I'm not really demented
I'm just saying it's been said again and again
Not that I'm all that grounded
I'm already dumbfounded
I'm a liar believe me, baby

Well it's all that you are
You're just one shining star
Well that's all that you are

Maybe everything's changed
And maybe I stayed the same
What does it matter to me now, anyway
If I ever regret it
If I'm ever repentant
Karma sings and we'll dance the dance, baby

Well that's all that you are
Your just one shining star
Well it's all that you are
You're just one shining star

Do do do do yeah yeah yeah (x3)

If I said it, I meant it
I'm not really demented
I'm just saying it's been said again and again
Not that I'm all that grounded
I'm already dumbfounded
I'm a liar believe me, baby

Well it's all that you are
You're just one shining star
Well it's all that you are
You're just one shining star
(It's all that you are)
Well it's all that you are
You're just one shining star

It's been a month since my last properly chronological Tunesday post (in which the year was 1996 and we were happily moved into our townhouse after a year of technical homelessness - if that is the proper term for living with your parents as adults), and it's so sad that I'm so bored with my own life that I'm having trouble picking up the thread of it. Sigh. So, today I figured that I'd move on to 1997, and when I went to find a song to define that time in my life, I realised how few of the top one hundred singles from that year actually registered on me. I could have went with One Headlight or Unbreak My Heart, Walkin' On The Sun or even MMMBop, but while I knew those songs, I can't call any of them meaningful to me; I think I was just too busy to be aware of pop culture when my girls were littles. So, no real significance to the song I chose this week: I simply liked it in the day and was happy to have been reminded of it today as I went through that top songs list.

So: 1997. As I said last time, Dave was determined to make the most of the chance he was being given at Maple Leaf Foods, and he'd leave early in the morning to beat the traffic on his commute, usually coming back home late in the evenings; often after Kennedy and I had already eaten dinner; often after Kennedy had been bathed and jammied up for bed. Once we were settled into a home of our own, Dave and I started talking about it being time to give Kennedy a little sibling, but at that exact same time, my younger brother and his girlfriend got engaged and said they'd be getting married the following October. As I didn't want to be either heavily pregnant or carrying around a newborn at their wedding - I didn't want to do anything to detract attention from their happy day if I could help it - Dave and I decided to put off trying to get pregnant; planning for me to be just a couple months along at the wedding, without anyone knowing, to keep our kids as close in age as possible. 

During this time, we would usually go to my parents' house once a week (my brothers and their partners would assemble there, too), and either Mum would cook for all of us or Dad would take us all out for dinner. We'd go to Dave's parents' house about once a month - even though we were equidistant from both sets of grandparents - and Kennedy was spoiled and fawned over as the only baby on either side of the family; this is exactly why we moved back to Ontario when she was born. My mother would also drive up to us in the middle of nearly every week, taking me and Kennedy out to lunch or for a drive to the park to feed the ducks. Dave and I were so broke at this time - his starting salary was $30k, and most of that went to our mortgage and the lease payment on our one car - and while Mum loved spoiling her first grandchild with lunches out and trips through the McDonald's drive-thru just to buy all their happy meal toddler toys, I could have seriously used a package of diapers every now and then. (Something to remember if I'm lucky enough to have grandchildren of my own one day.)

Our townhouse was across the street from a small playground, and as soon as I noted that a bunch of kids and their Moms would show up there every morning around ten, I started bringing Kennedy over, too. She was only a year and a half when we started going, but there were other kids her age there (it turned out that two of the "Moms" were home daycare providers, so there were lots of kids of every age there, every weekday), and she loved having these kids to run around with; sharing her toys in the sandpit and trying out theirs. Naturally, I enjoyed having adult women to talk with every day (and especially since Dave was gone for such long hours and I was mostly alone with Kennedy), but I was too shy to invite any of them back to my house for coffee or whatever - I was having friendly times without actually making any friends. 

When Kennedy's second birthday was approaching in August, I asked the Moms and daycare providers if they would have a problem with me bringing cupcakes to the park and celebrating her big day together with them there. They all thought it sounded like fun, and when they showed up on her birthday, every one of those kids had made Kennedy a card. Dave had taken the day off of work, and together, we beamed at what a great time Kennedy was having as the center of attention; knew that every decision we had made had led us to the right place at the right time. (There was a Mom and her two kids - Felix and Ayisha - who happened to show up at the playground for the first time that day and we were able to cajole them into joining us, too. She's the only one of those Moms I ever see around town anymore, and we always have a big smile and a "How's the kids?" for each other.)

I didn't know yet that I was a few weeks pregnant at the time, but that might have contributed to my feelings of wholeness and well-being; we were feeling like a successful and settled little family just as, unknown to us, the last member of that family was being cooked up.

The only other event of note in 1997 was my younger brother's wedding, but that's a story for next week.