Tunesday : Pedal to the Metal

Pedal to the Metal

(West, B/ Kasprzyk, M) Performed by Kazzer

Like a 454 With the four on the floor Deuce coupe coming at you Avoiding the capture Fall from stop and drop Than we ready to rock And city of steel Catch me cruisin down the block Whenever days are difficult I'm out on my own Driving an '86 Jetta Hoping that I could do better But my car keeps me humble In the concrete jungle Despite the wear and tear It seems to always get me there Rebuilt the motor because She decided to blow And what do you know Someone stole my stereo, when it's Time to go I put my foot on the floor Let the diesel do the work I ain't complaining no more Highways and straightaways Off roads and open roads No matter what we will still be making the show It's kinda like life And life treats you good It's not what's on the outside It's what's under the hood [Chorus: x2]

Put the pedal to the metal and I'm off and never getting lost Which way will I turn when roads cross Press the petal to the metal little more when it's scary But one thing for sure, keep my foot on the floor It doesn't matter what you drive It's like you drive what you got Discipline you can win Just let the tire spin And begin The journey of life with each ride Can you help me at the side On what we want to ride Sometimes we can live With the back up plan And in with the program Who I am, Doesn't reflect material My vehicle approaches [Chorus] Won't stop drivin till it's over Still be cruisin when the sun goes down Won't stop drivin till it's over Still be cruisin when the sun goes down [Chorus x2] Put the pedal to the metal and I'm off Put the pedal to the metal and I'm off Pedal to the metal and I'm off

Day after Labour Day and it feels like summer is really over now; and especially because we spent the last week at Sauble Beach and now it's back to real life. The cottage we rented this year had room for eight (but with four double beds and two double futons in the living room, we could have slept a few more), so we let the girls bring their boyfriends along, we invited Dave's parents, and Ella, too. In the end, it felt like we had fewer guests than usual.

When we asked Ken if Ella could come -- we didn't invite Conor only because his birthday happened while we were gone and we didn't think he'd want to be away from home for that -- he hemmed and hawed (mostly because Ken didn't want Conor to feel like Ella was getting special treatment over his birthday; fair enough), and ultimately decided to let us bring Ella while he brought Conor up to stay the following night in a motel for just one night (like I said, we had plenty of room, but Ken will do what Ken will do). Kennedy and Zach spent the first weekend of our vacation in Toronto (at the League of Legends Championships), so it was just me, Dave, Ella, Mal, and her boyfriend who drove up first.

We checked in, went to the beach, and eventually, Dave's parents arrived. What I haven't written about here yet: A couple of months ago, Bev woke up in the middle of the night with painfully swollen legs. She went to the hospital, and after a few days of tests, was diagnosed with bowel cancer. What makes this the most upsetting is that her Alzheimer's is speeding up and she kept waking up in the hospital and asking people, "What am I doing here again?" What struck me as the most moving: The MRI she had on a Wednesday definitely showed that it was bowel cancer and they scheduled a colonoscopy for the next day, to see it up close and take a sample of the tumour. As she was being prepped for that scope the next day, Bev cheerfully stated, "Hopefully they won't find anything". And I just don't know if it's a blessing or not for Bev to not be worried about this all the time. As I have written about before, it was Bev's family cottage that made going to Sauble Beach a family tradition that Dave loves carrying on, and she has always enjoyed staying with us up there before, and with her actual surgery having been scheduled for this past week, we thought it would be an especial treat for her to come up and stay with us for the first weekend anyway. But apparently, when Jim tried to get her out of bed on that Saturday she didn't remember about the Sauble trip, and when reminded, she didn't know if she even wanted to bother. Jim insisted she get up and get moving, and it all took so long (and at nearly 80, he only has so much energy himself to devote to caretaking), that it was 7 o'clock before they got there and we could eat dinner. We were sitting around after dinner talking, and when Dave asked his Dad why his brother Pat won't talk to him, Jim told the full story that I never heard before (I certainly knew parts), so I'll memorialise it here:

When Jim was about thirteen, his father announced that he was going to move away from his wife and four young children in order to look for work in Toronto. This was in the Fifties, so while it was a strange arrangement, everyone just accepted it when the man of the family made an announcement like this. Dave's Grandpa apparently found work and an apartment, and although he would come home to visit every couple of months, he didn't have a lot of money to give his family, and Grandma Thompson had to go out and work herself. About a year after this setup started, a family friend came up to young Jim and said something like, "It's a terrible thing that your father has run off with that woman and if you or your mother ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask." This was the first that Jim had ever heard that there might be another woman involved, and since in his young mind his father had made a great sacrifice to go away and find work, he became very angry and said, "That is a lie and don't you ever say anything like that to me or anyone in my family ever again." In hindsight Jim says that he remembers how shocked this man was: apparently the other woman was no secret around town, and he was sincerely offering help. Somehow, the facts remained hidden from the Thompsons themselves, and this situation stayed in place for years.

When Jim was about eighteen, he got a call from a strange woman in Toronto: his father had had a heart attack, was in hospital, and was asking for Jim (as the oldest); explaining that everything was to be kept from his mother. Jim fretted and worried about what to do, but wanting answers, he made some excuse to his mother and caught the bus for Toronto. The woman, Anna, was at the station to meet Jim and she took him to the hospital. Grandpa explained that he was living with Anna, had been for five years, and he wanted Jim to know the truth of the matter in case he didn't survive. Jim was totally floored -- even after all these years, he never thought the old rumour could be true -- and when his father begged him to keep everything from his mother, Jim knew he could never tell the truth to his strictly religious Mom; it just wasn't his place. Within a year, it all blew up anyway.

At some point, after not receiving word or money for months, Grandma Thompson called the company where her husband worked and asked to speak to him. When the manager explained that her husband was at home recovering from heart surgery, she frantically made arrangements to go to Toronto to take care of him herself. Jim knew what his mother would find when she arrived at that apartment (Anna!), so after much stewing, he called his father to warn him that his actual wife was on her way. Anna cleared out, Grandma Thompson spent a few weeks in Toronto, and the whole time, Jim was agonising over what a fool his mother was being made out to be. When she returned, Jim came clean and told his mother about Anna and his own trip to Toronto. And it was at that moment that both of Jim's brothers stopped talking to him (no mention was made of the sister, Marie).

As they grew older and more understanding of the ways of the world, Jim's brother John started talking to him again (they have been great friends for years now), but Pat has never forgiven him for apparently "taking Dad's side" (and as he is much younger, Pat probably doesn't have any fond memories of when they were a whole family; no reason to have had any loyalty to their father at all). When Grandma Thompson herself was in hospital at the end of her life and all of her children had come to see her, Jim and Pat were leaving the building at the same time in silence and Jim blurted, "Why do you hate me so much?" And Pat turned to him with ugly fury and said, "I hate your guts and I always will." It doesn't explain much, but that might be the last time they ever speak.

As for Grandpa Thompson, the philandering runaway bookie, once everything came out into the open, he asked his wife for a divorce. But as a pious Catholic (and probably also as the vindictive wronged party), Grandma Thompson refused. Somehow, he eventually got his divorce and ended up marrying Anna. When Dave was little, his Dad brought him to Toronto a few times to spend time with this Grandpa, and even after he died, Jim and Bev would drop in on Anna whenever they were in Toronto. I don't know if his siblings ever knew about these visits, but I doubt they ever made any effort to contact their Dad themselves.

Back to the beach: Bev and Jim ended up staying two nights with us, but even though this has always been her favourite place in the world, Bev never had the energy to come down to the water. They went home on the Monday, and Bev went in for surgery on the Wednesday; and while it made me feel kind of terrible, we stayed on vacation while it happened, relying on phone calls from Dave's sister to hear how it was all going. And it went really well: eighteen inches of bowel removed laproscopically, no reason to believe it had metastasised, and Bev's already at home resting.

So, on the Sunday we played in the water and Ken and Conor eventually showed up. We went out for (a terrible) dinner together, and the kids played minigolf on the way home. We had a campfire with s'mores and fireworks, and eventually, Mal and Matt took the cousins to the arcade while Ken went back to the motel (and from the corner of the grass where he had to go to smoke, he had a front row view of some raunchy bachelorette party shenanigans). More time at the beach the next day, Kennedy and Zach showed up, and then Ken, Conor, Ella, Bev, and Jim all left. Down to six in a cottage that slept eight officially, twelve if we needed to.

The next few days proceeded as beach days always do -- down to the water, me reading, everyone else swimming, back for dinner and a campfire -- and they all kind of blend together pleasantly in my recollection. At one of our campfires, Zach showed us this video for Pedal to the Metal, because that's his uncle (and while I heard before that the uncle was a singer, I didn't realise he had had an actual hit, so that's why it's this week's song choice). Kennedy and Mallory both had university-related things to do on the Friday, so Mal had Sarah and her boyfriend Blake come up on Thursday to hang around for a bit before driving her and Matt back to Cambridge. Down to four. Kennedy drove back to school on Friday morning, leaving Zach with us (which, after nearly four years of them being together, isn't weird at all), and she was back in time for dinner. And the next morning was checkout.

Like every year, I wonder why we don't just buy our own cottage at Sauble Beach instead of renting -- and especially since the rental market is so robust: I'm sure we could rent a place out enough to carry it for next to nothing. Hard to tell if now, with our girls nearly grown and gone, if this would be the best or worst time to consider it.

(Matt screamed with dismay when he first saw this ^ peglegged gull, and I was glad to see it come hopping up as we threw out the last of the bread before going home. Little dude's a survivor.)

As for the very end of the Labour Day weekend, yesterday we moved Mal into residence. It started off as very stressful: crawling along University Avenue, it felt like we would never get any closer, eventually discovering that there was a cop directing the traffic into the school. Creeping and snaking around forever, having to follow the directions of the student volunteers that were everywhere, I thought, "This is the worst possible way to do this." When we eventually pulled up in front of Mal's actual residence building however, I was totally delighted: another large group of volunteers sang a welcoming song, got Mal's room number, and then THEY carried her dozens of boxes and bags up to her room. Fantastic. It took her quite a while to unpack and put up her posters, but Mal was all settled in before we left. (Note: her roommate hadn't shown up before we had to go, and when I texted Mal later to ask what's she's like and to sneak a picture of her side of the room, Mal's only answer was to be offended to be asked for the pic; hopefully that isn't an indication of early problems; would have been satisfied if she just replied, "She's great" or something.)

Dave and I drove home (alone; sigh). Kennedy had to go and attend to more duties at her school (as the president of the Drama Students Federation), and yesterday was probably a taste of the future: just me and Dave and what should we do with our time? As it turned out, we went out for a spin in the Dart (put the pedal to the metal) and we got Dairy Queen and drove aimlessly, ending up in Paris, and I was able to direct Dave along the scenic route home that Lolo took when we went to that Trivia Night last month. We got home, Dave went for a swim while I cooled off in the air conditioning inside with my book, we barbecued, watched TV (Ancient Aliens marathon, lol) and went to bed before Kennedy even got home. What a busy week, and what a nice way to end the vacation. And again it begs the question: would this, perhaps, be the perfect time to buy a cottage; to make sure that the girls always have a reason to come back to us? Or would it be weird to get a family property just as the family is spreading apart?

And here's where I tie it all together: That's such a sad story about Grandpa Thompson abandoning his family for another woman: even if Jim admits that his mother was probably a hard woman to live with, his father left the family destitute and publicly humiliated. And at the end of her life, Grandma Thompson was a bitter woman; Dave and his sister were afraid of her all their lives and neither has fond memories of her; and then she died alone, her children feuding. Looking at Dave's parents now, as much as they fought and grumbled at each other when Dave was growing up, this is the way a marriage is supposed to work: staying together through the hard times and being there for one another when you really need each other. What would Bev do if Jim hadn't been there to insist she go to the hospital when her legs swelled up? If he didn't get her out of bed every day, feed her her pills and actual food, help her to remember things now that her memory is disappearing? And in a bigger sense, this is how a family is supposed to work: I have no doubt that my girls will have nothing but fond memories of Granny and Grandpa Thompson -- and not least of all because they come up to Sauble with us each year that we've rented a place; they have played with my girls throughout their lives (and the family that plays together...) And that's the kind of grandparent I'd like to be -- present and playful, and in the end, it's for these imaginary future grandchildren that I'd want to have a cottage. And when Dave's legs swell up and my memory starts to disappear, I expect we'll be together to help each other.