Tunesday : Cheese & Crackers

Cheese & Crackers

(Gordon, R) Performed by Deja Voodoo

Went to the store to get something to eat
Went down the aisle where they sell their meat
A woman standin there with a tray
She looked at me and I heard her say

Cheese and crackers, anyone?
I said...No!
I don't like'em
I don't like'em
I don't like'em
That's why I said no

Went to a party just the other night
Up at the party I was feelin all right
They were servin wine and the wine was fine
So I drank some wine and I had a good time
All the time feelin fine havin time all the time 
Drinkin wine and havin a time all the time

Then a woman comin around with a tray
She looked at me and I heard her say

Cheese and crackers, anyone?
I said...No!
I don't like'em
I don't like'em
I don't like'em
That's why I said no

Went to the doctor I was feelin blue
Went to the doctor what else could I do?
Doc looked at me and said I can see you got good nourishment
I said I know that
He said just to help you out go see my nutritionist
So behind the door that said nutritionist sat the nutritionist
I said are you the nutritionist?
She said uh huh
I said maybe you could help me out, the doctor sent me
She said I've got just the thing for you

She said
She said
She said
She said
You know what she said to me?

Cheese and crackers, anyone?
I said...(What?)
I said...(Help me)
I said...No!
I don't like'em
I don't like'em
I don't like'em
That's why I said no

In the timeline of my life, I'm up to early 1986 when I first started university. Because Kevin had started on time in September, he had already made some friends, and as the months went by, I wormed my way in and we all made a pretty tightknit group. This is the group that (totally ironically; I always feel the need to underline that) called ourselves VOMIT (the Victorian Order of Many Intelligent Trendies; and while we all kind of hated that it ended in "Trendies", we loved that it started with "Victorian Order" and went with it). This was the group of friends with whom I felt I could totally, at last, be my most authentic self, and with the new ideas I was being exposed to at school, this was a time of incredible growth and awakening; as though every day I had lived before had been in a kind of dream or cocoon; I can't overstate just how happy I was to be exposed to bigger ideas and freer people than I had ever known before. Let's meet VOMIT:

Probably the most influential new friend I met at university was Michelle. She was from Calgary (totally big city girl compared to what I was used to) and she had white-blonde hair that she teased and crimped into a cloud around her head, her clothes were thrift store chic, and she also wore the pointiest black witchy shoes all the time. She was top of her class in high school and one of the reasons she came to Lethbridge was because they gave her a full scholarship. The other reason was because she had grandparents in town and they let her live in their basement suite for free. Here was this smart, beautiful, achingly cool girl who had her own apartment, furnished in matchy Ikea furniture that I thought was the height of style at the time, and she knew all the newest music, had a gorgeous boyfriend (he could have fronted Duran Duran) that could sleep over any time she wanted (Michelle guilted her grandparents into keeping such things a secret for her); she had freedom and success and confidence in her own tastes, and I didn't just want to have what she had, I wanted to be her. One of the first times we were at her apartment, Michelle asked me what kind of music I liked, and before I could answer, Kevin blurted, "She likes old stuff. Like the Beatles." That was no doubt to lower my cool factor in front of the trendsetting girl that he met first, but Michelle smiled and said, "Oh, like the Ramones?" And, again, Kevin interrupted and said, "No. Like the Beatles. Just the Beatles." Now, while that hadn't strictly been true for years, I couldn't really say that I was actually into Top Forty dance music, but before I could say anything, Michelle smiled again and said, "That's really cool." She was my favourite.

Rob was from an even smaller town outside Lethbridge, his Dad was a high school math teacher in the city, and while he had been raised as a sheltered Mormon, Rob lived in Lethbridge during the school year and pretty much lived as he liked. He was really tall and thin with his hair cut short in the back and flopped down over his eyes in front, he wore thrift store clothes and ironic t-shirts, and was one of the quickest-witted people I've ever met. He sometimes DJed at the university radio station and he knew all the coolest new music. He was also shy and quiet, and while he also was a high academic achiever, he never tried to stand out in the group. Which is why he stood out in the group.

Jaybo was Rob's roommate, and more than anything, he reminded me of Duckie from Pretty in Pink -- from the clothes (and hats) to the exuberance; to be around Jay was to be smiling. He eventually got a girlfriend who didn't become a part of our group (I don't know why; I don't even remember her name) and they changed the main area of Jay and Rob's basement apartment into a harem tent-like environment with hanging scarves and huge pillows and rugs all over the floor, on which they would have all night sex (apparently, according to Rob). While we used to hang out at this apartment quite a bit, we eventually avoided it (where could you sit?) Within a couple of years, Jaybo and this girl got married in the theater in Fort McLeod and VOMIT was there in the audience to watch.

There was a second Michelle and she lived in the neighbourhood of the university. She had a fraternal twin sister and you wouldn't think they were even from the same family. The twin was tiny, dressed like a typical 80s rocker chick, and didn't attend post-secondary; she certainly didn't think much of us weirdo looking people that her sister hung around with. On the other hand, Michelle was super smart, tall and broad-shouldered, and had a much prettier face than her sister. Michelle was also into the new music and the thrift store clothes, and when she went to the hairdresser for a new wave look, she came back in tears: she had had her hair buzzed off with just a few longs wisps in front that curled over her eyes. She was devastated by this haircut at first, mostly because it wasn't very feminine on her big frame (she did look a bit like a drag queen), but she eventually embraced the look and she never grew it out in the time I knew her. Michelle was never a follower.

There was also a second Rob. He was a preppy, all-businessman wannabe. He wore sweater vests and dress pants to school and drove a brand new Mustang that he was paying off himself and super proud of. This Rob was totally peripheral to my life, but he was as much a part of VOMIT as any of us.

Hillary was Rob's constant companion; a girl preppy who wore designer clothes. While she was always around, I think it was just to be around Rob; she didn't really embrace the weirdness of the rest of us. While we all waited patiently for Hillary and Rob to finally get together, I wasn't surprised to hear, years later, that Rob finally came out of the closet. Which is too bad for Hillary and her lovelorn shadowing, but too badder for Rob: he knew so many gay guys through our group that we would have been the most supportive of friends to come out to.

Although Curtis, my openly gay friend, was still in high school, he went to the bars with us on the weekend and was totally VOMIT. He started university that fall and took an apartment in an old house in town. He and I would often hang out there of an evening, drinking instant coffee I brought along from home, me knitting, he rug-hooking. Domestic bliss.

Nancy was the only girl I still hung out with from high school. As I said before, she and I lost our place in the old tribe at the same time, but our new tribe was better anyway.

Kevin, my other friend from high school, told me he was gay over lunch one day during this first semester of university. As Curtis had already come out to me the year before, I didn't have the brief flash of "how do I really feel about this?", and while I was surprised, I wasn't shocked. When I asked Kevin if he had a special someone, he blushed and admitted that his secret boyfriend was the last member of our group, Jeff.

Now, that did surprise me because Jeff was an ultra-macho, captain-of-the-football-team, aggressively-flirtatious-with-everyone kind of guy. Something about him had always made me uncomfortable and it just may have been this double life boiling under his surface; it was Jeff's demand that the rest of us weren't supposed to know that he and Kevin were a couple. Eventually Kevin would admit that Jeff was prone to abusing him. When Kevin and I were in Europe together that first summer, it was with Curtis that Jeff had his adulterous fling; Curtis told me that Jeff liked things "rough".

Now, to the song choice this week: In their role as DJs, Rob and Michelle brought Deja Voodoo to our school for a concert. This was loud, fun, unintimidating punk music and the show was an amazing, crazy time. When Michelle was talking with the band afterwards, she learned that, while they liked touring well enough, they did miss being able to cook something homemade. Michelle offered them the use of her kitchen, and the next day, they showed up with bagsful of groceries. Now that's a picture of domestic bliss: a couple of guys with tattoos and piercings and leather and ripped jeans, chopping veggies and tofu to make a Thai soup (which I had never had at the time and thought was amazingly worldly). Oh yeah -- most of VOMIT was there to watch them cook and eat, too. One of the guys had picked up a Penthouse Forum at the grocery store -- a magazine with just the "true" encounter stories -- and he explained that he found it to be the funniest reading material on earth. So we asked him to read to us. So, as the small apartment filled with the smells of boiling basil and lemongrass, this authentic punk rocker started to relate to us a raft of stories that all began with, "I never believed it could happen to me..."

That's enough for today. More on VOMIT to come, but here are a couple of group pics: