I didn't read Sh t My Dad Says, mostly because I object to the coarsening of public spaces that results from seeing the title at the book store, and then in the TV listings. I'm not some total prude; I'm not offended by adults sprinkling their language with expletives in private conversation, but I don't want to hear (or see) that language at McDonalds with a bunch of kids running around. As a result, I had an idea that Justin Halpern's Dad was some kind of narrow-minded, foul-mouthed Archie Bunker that I didn't need to learn anything about-- and I admit I was guilty of the worst kind of prejudgement.
I chose to listen to I Suck at Girls, just hoping for something light and funny. To my delight I discovered it to be a thoughtful, and very funny, look back on the author's experiences with girls, from his first grade crush to the woman he wants to marry. When his Dad appears in the book, yes, his language is foul, but his advice is sound and thoughtful and warm-- he obviously loves his son and wants the best for him.
In one of my favourite scenes, a young Justin and a friend have braved their fears to explore the forbidden canyon beside the Little League field, and discover a "Hobo Cave" filled with dirty blankets, empty beer bottles and stacks of porn. The boys gather up all of the pictures they can carry and start running, but soon : There, hightailing it out of the canyon, came two bearded homeless men, each of whom looked like Nick Nolte rendered in beef jerky. As soon as I heard that description, I laughed, but then immediately felt kind of bad for laughing at homeless men-- which is, I think, the reaction I was supposed to have because when Justin's Dad discovers what he has done, he insists the first thing the boy needed to do was to return the pictures to the entrance to the canyon the next morning. “Why can’t I just throw them out? I don’t want to go back to the canyon,” I said. “Bullshit. Someone spent time collecting this shit. What if I threw out your baseball card collection? That wouldn’t be right.” I nodded. His analogy made sense to me, and suddenly I felt a twinge of remorse, having deprived those men of one of their few—and probably most prized—worldly possessions. I bent down and lifted the big wad of dirt-covered porno out of the hole. “Are you mad?” I asked, as I picked up the shovel. “Nah. I don’t think this even cracks your greatest hits of stupid. But there’s one important thing I need you to know.” I stopped shoveling and looked at him. He pointed at the pile of loose, grimy magazine pages on the ground. The Dad then explains that Justin needs to understand that real woman don't look like the women in those pictures and that real women won't do the crazy things depicted either. That these two important life lessons, respect for women and compassion for the less fortunate, could have been gleaned from such a bizarre situation gives me much respect for Sam Halpern as a father.
And did I mention that the whole thing is really funny? Totally worthwhile experience.
